Where Do We Go From Here?
by nightwatchman2009
Summary: 5 months after 'Chosen' Spike finally decides to return to Sunnydale to see Buffy, unsure of what to expect or what he'll find. Spike/Buffy.
1. Chapter 1: Homecoming

New Beginnings

**Where Do We Go From Here?**

**By:** nightwatchman2009

**Author's Note:** This isn't going to be a high action, butt-kicking piece. I'm just venturing to portray what it could be like if Buffy and Spike had that second chance to develop a relationship, how others might react to it, and how they'd make it work. So take it for what it is: it's going to be a romance, kind of angsty in places and emotional, sometimes it might be a bit more light-hearted. This is my first multi-chapter fan fiction I'm posting on here. If this is bull I apologize. Please review, whether it be constructive criticism, something you dislike, or just something nice and encouraging. I appreciate all reviews and I take your criticism seriously.

**Additional Author's Note:** I rated this story M just to be safe for later chapters but usually the content will be T.

**Chapter 1: Homecoming**

There it was. The home of Buffy Summers. It felt the same for Spike to stand there in front of her home on Revello Drive, yet it was very different at the same time. For the first time in over five months he'd come to see Buffy. It was the first time he'd be seeing her since he'd…died.

He had just come from Los Angeles where he'd stayed with Team Angel. He'd debated for so long whether or not to come. To see her. To tell her he was alive again. More times than he could count he'd picked up the phone and dialed her number only to hang up immediately after the first ring. God, he could be a bloody coward sometimes.

Then there was the call he'd made only a week ago. Bracing the phone in his hand, perhaps more tightly than necessary, he waited. Once. Twice. Three times it rang. Then:

"Hello?"

His hand quivered in a very uncharacteristic way when he heard the sound of her voice. Buffy's voice. The voice that sent a rush of old feelings back. He was at a loss for words.

_No,_ he thought to himself, _don't be an idiot…you can't tell her now…not like this…she deserves to be told in person._ This was not the way to handle it.

"He-lloooo?"

He nearly dropped the phone, remembering he was still on it. He hung up abruptly.

It was then that he had finally made the decision to go back to Sunnydale. Angel had made little comment on Spike's departure. Spike suspected that as much as Angel loved Buffy he'd long ago resigned himself to the fact that it was best for him to stay out of her life.

But now, Spike stood on the front walkway, taking a long drag from his cigarette, wondering what the hell he was doing.

_She could bloody well be seeing someone,_ he thought.

Her life had went on without him. Just like he knew it would. He shouldn't be here…he shouldn't spoil what they had left things at. He considered leaving before he ruined it all. And yet…he was driven by and even greater need…there was a sense that maybe it would all turn out okay.

A cool, late November breeze blew tugging at Spike's leather coat. He flicked his cigarette butt on the ground and stubbed it out with the toe of his boot. Then, finally, he walked up onto the front porch.

Lights were on, even though it was past midnight. Someone was awake at least. He raised his fist and then dropped it to his side again. He moved to walk off the porch and simply forget about the whole thing.

"Oh, damn it all!" he huffed, turning around and knocking firmly on the door before he could change his mind again.

Footsteps…the door opened.

Dawn. She stood there in her pajamas looking older, if that was even possible after only five months. Her blue eyes widened in utter shock. She clung to the door frame for support.

"Hello, little bit," he said, softly. He looked at her warmly; he was very attached to the Slayer's younger sister.

Dawn's eyes welled up. "Are you…real? This isn't a spell is it? It's really you?" she asked in a whisper, not wanting her hopes to be dashed.

"In the flesh."

"Oh my God," Dawn sobbed, flinging her arms around his neck. She cried into his jacket as he stroked her hair. "You were dead…Buffy saw you die."

Buffy. God, the mere mention of her name resounded deeply with him.

"I did…" he replied.

"But how-how did this happen?" Dawn lifted her head to look at him with tear-stained eyes, searching his face for answers.

"Maybe I should wait and tell your big sis as well," Spike replied, unsure of himself.

"Oh, right…okay," Dawn's eyes lit up a bit at the mention of her sister. Was it excitement for him to see her? Hope? He couldn't tell. Either way, Dawn invited him in and shut the door. Spike stood in the entryway and looked around. He met the curious stares of three teenage girls in sleeping bags on the living room floor.

"What's this? Another Big Bad coming?" he asked.

Dawn looked over at the girls. "Oh, no. They're new slayers. Buffy's been training a few at a time, teaching them. Giles is always looking for others. New slayers were awakened when you…died…"Dawn looked awkward. She gestured to the girls.

"This is Chelsea," a blonde. "Amber," a petite brunette. "And Sarah" a tall, leggy girl.

Various hellos came, till Chelsea spoke up. "He died?"

"Oh…yeah…it's kind of a long story," Dawn replied. "I'm sure Buffy could…" Dawn trailed off, hearing footsteps coming from upstairs.

"Dawn, who are you talking to? Who's at the door…"

She stood at the top of the stairs. Just as beautiful as he remembered, her blonde hair was a little longer, falling past her shoulders in soft waves. Her strong presence radiated through the room for him. If his heart could beat it would have been pounding in that moment. It was her. There she was. Buffy.

--

There he was. Spike.

Buffy's lean frame felt very rigid suddenly. Disbelief was etched across her features. A tidal wave of emotions and questions overcame her. Is this real? Is this a spell? How is this possible?

"Dawn…did you…or Willow or someone have something to do with this?" Buffy asked in a guarded manner, though it came out very quietly.

"No," Dawn shook her head. "Buffy, none of us did anything. It's really him, he's here," she looked up expectantly. Buffy could feel Dawn's eyes on her but all Buffy could see was Spike.

"Hello, Buffy," he said, staring up at her.

Buffy's eyes felt rather glassy as she placed a hand on the banister and gripped it tight. Slowly she descended the stairs, still staring at him in shock. She was no longer aware of Dawn's and the other girls' presence, as they all watched what was unfolding.

Spike was silent as she stepped down onto the landing, before him. She could tell by the look in his eyes he was just as apprehensive and nervous as she was. What was she supposed to say? What does one do in a situation like this? Granted, Angel had been resurrected before but this…this was different.

Buffy studied his face. He was real. This was real. She unconsciously reached out and gently touched his cheek, as if making sure. She blinked and retracted it quickly, placing it back at her side.

"Do you, um…want to go outside and talk?" she asked quietly.

Spike nodded.

Buffy was about to open the front door, when she became aware of four pairs of eyes gawking at them. She decided that maybe the front porch, which could easily be viewed by two large windows, wouldn't be the best place.

"It's late, maybe you girls should get to bed," Buffy said.

"But Buffy…" Dawn protested, glancing at Spike.

"Dawn, don't argue. Bed, now!" Buffy snapped. She couldn't deal with this.

Dawn looked to Spike expectantly. "Listen to your big sis, niblet," he said.

She hugged him again before running up the stairs.

Buffy looked to the other girls who hadn't moved. "Get to sleep. Training tomorrow," she said trying to keep her voice in check, though she was about ready to burst and the seams what with all that was happening.

The girls nodded without argument and started moving around getting their sleeping bags ready. Buffy led Spike out to the kitchen and out the back door onto the small porch outside. She folded her arms across her chest, against the chill in the air. She kept her back to him, unable to look at him yet, and looked out at the darkened backyard. She could feel his presence behind her, watching her, waiting.

"How did this happen?" she asked, voice barely above a whisper.

"The amulet…it resurrected me," Spike replied.

Buffy considered that a moment and frowned. "So…how long have you been…alive?"

"Five months."

Buffy turned and faced him. "Five months…"she muttered, running a hand through her hair. "Where have you been then?"

Spike looked as though he was seriously considering whether or not to respond. "L.A."

Buffy could tell by his tone just _who_ he had stayed with.

"And now you're here," she said, hoping he'd elaborate.

"Well, yeah," Spike leaned against the closed door. "Look, Buffy, I wasn't sure if I should even come."

"Why?"

"I didn't know if you'd even want me here."

Buffy turned away from him, unable to meet his eyes. She tried to take it all in but she just felt so numb. She just didn't know what to feel. How to react. She simply couldn't deal with the enormity of it all.

_Why is he here?_, that question nagged her. Did he have certain expectations now that he was here that she was expected to fulfill?

"Look…the bedrooms are all taken, Faith is here, but the cot in the basement is still there if you want to stay and sleep there," Buffy said, finally turning around after a long silence.

"Thank you," he said, walking inside, not arguing with her or trying to get her to talk.

As she followed him in she found it rather infuriating how he was acting so calm and nonchalant about the whole thing, as if somehow things like this happened all the time. How could he act like this?

"Hey, shouldn't you be dead?"

Buffy shut the door behind them. Faith sat cross-legged on the counter eating ice cream out of the carton, waving a spoon in Spike's direction.

"You'd think," Spike said wryly, giving her a small smile. "The amulet resurrected me."

Faith nodded, masking her shock annoyingly well. Typical Faith, taking everything in stride: never looking back, never asking questions. "Glad you're back then…," Faith's face softened a bit. "…you did a lot," she added in her simple way.

Spike knew just what she meant. He clenched his jaw and gave a slight nod, not wanting any attention. "I'm just gonna head down then," he glanced at Buffy. She looked away, listening as he descended to the basement.

She felt like collapsing under the weight of it all.

--

**Well this is the first chapter. I don't know if it's very good or not. I won't post another chapter till I get a couple of reviews…so if you want to read more than you should give me a review. As long as there are people willing to read it, I'll keep writing it. Thanks!!**


	2. Chapter 2: Lack of Words

**Where Do We Go From Here?**

**By: **nightwatchman2009

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews…and I noticed some people have put this story on their story alert thing or their favorite list so it must mean that some people must be enjoying this. I thank you all for that!! I hope you like Chapter 2. Keep reviewing and let me know how you feel so I'll know what to change or whether I should even keep writing this one. I'm thinking this might be a 5 chapter story…however that may change.

**Chapter 2: Lack of Words**

Buffy avoided the look Faith was giving her after Spike went downstairs. Since they had 'saved the world again' Faith had been in and out of Sunnydale. Because, being Faith, she had a hard time settling down anywhere for too long, especially with her inclination toward trouble. Lately, she had come to stay and help with the new slayers.

"Is it a little chilly in here or is it just me, B?" Faith asked.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "I'm not discussing this, Faith," Buffy replied.

But Faith wasn't giving up that easily. As she dug her spoon into the cookies n' cream goodness she continued: "So, he dies for you—"

"He didn't die for _me,_ he died to save the world," Buffy said curtly. "And stop eating all the ice cream."

Faith ignored the latter. Instead she looked up at Buffy and smirked. "You know he did it for you, B. And hell, you two were pretty tight there toward the end, don't think I don't know this stuff. And he walks in and you don't say anything? God B, from what I hear you used to bang him for a lot less," she said in her blunt manner.

Buffy felt her face heat up a bit. _Of course no one knows how to keep their mouths shut around here, _she thought to herself. She looked to Faith. "Hey, stop trying to be all…insightful…it's creepy," Buffy walked toward the stairs to get away from the conversation.

Faith hopped off the counter, abandoning the ice cream. "If it were me, I'd be down there having me some fun right about now."

Buffy glanced at the sleeping slayers. "See that's where you and I are different, Faith," she whispered before ascending the stairs. Faith trailed after her.

"You know, maybe if you took the stick out of your ass you'd be a lot better off," Faith continued.

Buffy made it to her bedroom and turned to Faith. "_Goodnight,_ Faith," she entered the room and shut the door in Faith's face.

Buffy went and sat on the edge of her bed and cupped her head in her hands. Her world was spinning like a haywire merry-go-round and she just wanted it to stop. What she needed was time to think, time to process, but she could tell she wasn't going to get much of that. Tomorrow was Saturday, Willow would come from college, Xander wasn't working, and Giles would undoubtedly come by too…then what would happen? Well they'd all look to see her reaction of course.

Then there was Spike. He needed to know where she stood most of all. He made as if he was just going to stay out of the way and let her make her own decision but she know him well enough to know he must be burning to know how she felt.

"Buffy?"

She looked up to see Dawn opening the door a crack, a sliver of light shown in the room. "Can I come in?" she asked hopefully.

Buffy knew that letting her in would be a mistake but she resigned herself to more questions. She knew it must be a shock for Dawn too. "Fine."

Dawn shut the door behind her before crossing the room to sit beside Buffy. Dawn leaned her head against her sister's shoulder; Buffy wrapped an arm around Dawn and hugged her closer. "So…where was he all this time?"

"With Angel."

"You seemed so surprised," Dawn said.

"Well...of course I was, weren't you?" Buffy asked.

Dawn pulled away letting Buffy's arm drop, she faced her older sister. "You _are_ glad he's alive, right?" she asked.

Just as Buffy had predicted, the questions she didn't want to answer were coming. "Dawn, what kind of question is that? Of course I'm gland he's alive, he shouldn't…he shouldn't have had to die…" Buffy trailed off, memories of the weeks that followed his death resurfaced. Memories of her grief.

"So…you're glad he came here then?" Dawn didn't wait for an answer. "You guys can be together now."

Buffy felt herself pale. _You invited her in…now you have to answer her,_ she thought. "I…I don't even know what I want to say to him yet, Dawnie…I don't know," Buffy couldn't bear to hear the hopefulness in Dawn's voice. "You should get back to bed."

"But you love him!" Dawn exclaimed. "And he loves you still! Why does it have to be so complicated?"

"Dawn, I don't want to talk about it," Buffy said warningly.

"But—"

"Dawn, bed! Now!" Buffy snapped, she couldn't listen to this anymore.

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Buffy. I can't believe that even now you're still trying to find reasons not to be with him," Dawn stalked out of the room and slammed the door behind her.

Buffy lay back on the bed and sighed; she stared up at the ceiling trying to work through it all. Why was it so easy for everyone else to accept this? Dawn was so happy and hopeful and Faith just acted like it was an ordinary occurrence for a dead person to walk through the door. Both seemed shocked that Buffy had nothing to say to him. What was she supposed to say? How could she describe what she felt? Was there some kind of script she was supposed to read from that would make it all easier? Was it going to be the general consensus among _all _her friends that she and Spike should be together? No…she could always rely on Xander to raise objection…maybe even Giles too.

Why was it so hard for her? Dawn had such a simple view of it all but how could it not be complicated?

--

It was all a big mistake. Spike sat on the cot with his back against the wall about an hour after he'd left Buffy upstairs. Too many thoughts flit through his head like a swarm of gnats that he couldn't get away from. The main refrain of his thoughts was that he shouldn't have come. It was obvious this was too much for her. She'd already moved on and he should've left well enough alone.

He cursed his stupid, bloody soul. Maybe if he didn't have it he could try to be indifferent about this whole thing. But he knew that was a lie. He'd felt for her long before the soul. If there was a way to get high on a person then she was his high. She had somehow worked her way into his very core and wedged herself there, never to be moved again. Before the soul, there had even been times where he had been willing to die for her. A vampire, willing to die for a human. Spike snorted at the thought. Well wasn't he just a walking paradox? God, she was in so deep. Way too deep…and for the undead life of him he couldn't get her out.

He could hear the basement door open with a soft creak. He listened as it closed and footsteps slowly descended the stairs. It was Buffy. He stood up as she walked towards him and halted about two feet way.

"Look, Buffy I—"

"No," she said looking up at him fiercely. "If anyone gets to talk it's me."

That was fair enough, he decided. He tried not to be too disappointed that she didn't come down here with a happier look. "Of course."

"Why did you do this? Why are you here?" Buffy began in an angry rant. "What made you think I _wanted_ you here?"

Spike just listened and took it. She had every right to be angry; he knew it, even though he wished so desperately that she wasn't. However, the more she spoke the more tears filled her eyes. Spike looked at her perplexed. Were they tears of anger?

"…and you just show up five months later, out of the blue like this? What g-gives you…the r-right to waltz in here and…and," she was shaking, tears coursing down her face. She put her hands over her face and let out a sob. Spike watched her shoulders shake. The sight pierced his unbeating heart.

He wished he had the answers to her questions. But sometimes it seemed that even he couldn't come up with the words that could express all that he felt.

"Buffy, I'm sorry…" he said unsure of himself. "I can leave…right now in fact." He reached to grab his leather jacket off the bed. A mistake was all this was.

A hand gripped his arm that reached for the jacket. Spike's breath caught. "No," she said softly. He closed his eyes savoring that word from her. He turned to her and she looked up at him, the vulnerability in her eyes killed him, a Slayer should never look that way. "I'm sorry. Don't leave…"

"Don't apologize, Slayer," he said. She stepped forward into his arms, laying her head against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. Her familiar scent washed over him. Her warmth enveloped him.

"I'm glad you're here," she said.

Those four words meant the world to him. This wasn't a mistake.

--

Buffy hated feeling vulnerable...but somehow it felt okay to be vulnerable with him. For that moment she could just forget about the millions of questions and things she could say and instead just relax. She knew when she went up to bed her mind would be buzzing with questions: What would this all mean? What would happen next for them? But as she stood there in his arms she didn't think of that. For the moment just having him back and alive was all that mattered. No questions. No thoughts. Just the two of them.

--

**That concludes chapter 2. Hopefully I can have chapter three up for you guys soon. Characters like Willow and Xander will be brought into the mix as well next chapter. So thanks for reading!!**


	3. Chapter 3: Suprises

Where Do We Go From Here

**Where Do We Go From Here?**

**By: **nightwatchman2009

**A/N: **I'm so excited that there are people out there who like my fan fiction! Thank you so much for all of you that have read and reviewed or added me to a favorite or alert list. I really appreciate you all! It really gives me motivation to continue! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

**Chapter 3: Surprises**

The next morning Buffy got out of bed a little later than usual and started getting dressed. As she got ready she considered what had happened the night before. She and Spike had just stood there together for awhile, comfortable in their own silence, before finally she said a quiet goodnight and went back upstairs. A lot had been left unsaid and Buffy knew that she'd have to talk with him sooner or later.

Downstairs, the other three slayers plus Faith and Dawn were moving about the kitchen getting cereal, toast and coffee or juice.

"Morning, Buffy," Amber said brightly, she was the only morning person out of the three girls. The other two quietly mumbled good morning as they stared blearily into there bowls of cereal. Dawn said nothing.

"Hey, B," Faith smiled, giving her a look that said she knew something. "You're a little late this morning…rough night?"

Dawn glanced up curiously. Buffy gave Faith a glare. Faith must have heard her late night footsteps down and up the stairs and misread it as Buffy going and giving Spike some happy time. "Faith, can I talk to you," Buffy said, wanting to clear things up before the day started.

Faith followed Buffy into the dining room.

"Gonna tell me the dirty little details now?" she asked with a grin.

"Nothing happened, Faith," Buffy sighed. "We just …talked," even though that wasn't really the word for it either since not a lot of talking was done.

Faith must have been able to tell that it was the truth, she made a face, "You're not as interesting as people claim you know?"

"Sorry I disappoint," Buffy said sardonically. "Look, would you mind training with the girls? At least for the first part of the day, I imagine Giles, Will, and Xander will be over and I'm gonna have some things to explain…"

"Not a problem, B," Faith nodded, shrugging. "I'd rather not be around for all the tears and emotions anyways."

Buffy smiled and rolled her eyes.

--

About ten minutes later, Faith had ushered all the girls outside and into the backyard. Dawn followed, presumably to watch as well as avoid Buffy. As much as they got on one another's nerves, it hurt Buffy that Dawn was upset. She'd have to talk to her later and sort things out.

Buffy put away all the food and started gathering the dishes by the sink to wash them. The whole time she did this Spike wasn't far from her thoughts.

--

Once Spike heard the backdoor shut, he went upstairs. He'd been awake since before he heard them start breakfast but he was trying to avoid being stared at first thing in the morning.

He opened the basement door to find Buffy washing dishes at the sink, her back to him. Glancing around he noticed she had lowered the shades in the windows for him, blocking out the morning light. He shut the door behind him and she turned around. Her hair was up in a ponytail, he liked it better loose like she'd had it the night before.

"Sleep okay?" she asked, wiping her hands off on a towel, abandoning the dishes. He could tell she was a bit nervous.

"Yeah, not bad…" Spike nodded.

Buffy's eyes suddenly widened a bit. "Oh! I should've gone over to the butcher's for you…we had breakfast and I just remembered—"

"Don't worry about it, Buffy. Honestly, I'm fine. I can always get some whenever…don't trouble yourself," Spike said, waving a dismissive hand.

Buffy was about to reply when they heard the front door open.

--

"Hey, Buff!" came Xander Harris' voice.

"Damn," Buffy hurried to the door. Xander stood on the mat, in his now signature eye patch, wiping his feet. "Xander, I need to tell you something," she said pulling him toward the kitchen.

"Buffy, I already know," Xander said, looking as if it were something quite obvious.

Buffy's brow furrowed. Had Dawn called and told him? "You know?" she asked, frowning still, amazed he wasn't already launching into some kind of speech.

"Yeah, and I don't think it's safe," Xander continued.

Spike was back and Xander's reaction was that it wasn't safe? "What do you mean it's not safe?" Buffy demanded.

"Hey don't get all upset. But Buffy, it's a _motorcycle_, they're dangerous," Xander said, still looking down at her as the entered the kitchen where Spike still stood. "I mean, I can't believe you just went out and bought one…you don't even _drive._"

Spike let out a low chuckle, Xander glanced up. "Oh hey Spi—AHHHH!" Xander shouted, after doing a double take. He stepped back and pointed a finger at Spike accusingly. "YOU!"

"Me," Spike replied, a big smirk on his face. He clearly was enjoying himself.

"Spike, knock it off," Buffy sighed.

"What's he doing here? What's going on? Is this a spell?" Xander demanded, staring at Spike with his fingers still pointed at him.

"No, it's not a spell. The amulet is what resurrected him, he's been in L.A. for the past five months," Buffy explained quickly.

Xander's mouth opened and closed several times, he looked remarkably like a fish or something.

"The look on his face—" Spike laughed.

"Spike, shut up," Buffy said, staring intently at Xander for his reaction.

Xander slowly brought his arm down so it lay at his side again, he looked rather pale. "So…so the whole motorcycle thing?"

"It's mine…" Spike said slowly, as if Xander was dim.

"Spike!"

Xander still looked like he couldn't quite wrap his mind around it. "I'm just gonna sit here," Xander pulled out a stool and sat at the counter. "And hope I wake up soon."

Buffy looked at Spike who was still smirking down at Xander. She jerked her head toward the dining room; Spike reluctantly tore his gaze away from Xander and followed.

"Could you try to be nice?"

"What? I'm not allowed to laugh? And this is Xander…I don't bloody well _care_ if I piss him off," Spike said smiling a bit.

Buffy opened her mouth to retort when she paused. For the first time things seemed rather normal between them, this was familiar territory to her, the banter back and forth. Buffy smiled in spite of herself. Spike must've thought the same thing because he smiled back.

"Buffy, I—" Spike began, but broke off when the door opened again.

"Hi, Buffy," Willow said brightly, spotting her in the dining room. "Shouldn't you be out with the—whoa!" Willow walked in the room and gaped at Spike. She glanced at Buffy as if she were afraid Buffy would start yelling at her. "I didn't cast a spell, I swear! Buffy, you have to believe me!" Willow said quickly, her eyes looking anxious and pleading.

"It's not a spell," Buffy and Spike said in unison.

Willow's eyes were still huge. "Oh," she sighed with obvious relief.

Spike gave the brief explanation of what happened. Willow nodded. "Okay then…" she kept nodding trying to grasp it. "So…are you staying then?" she asked nervously.

Buffy and Spike exchanged glances.

"Yeah, I am I think," Spike nodded.

Willow smiled nervously and stepped forward. "Well…I'm glad you're back, what you did was…was…"

"Please, Red. Don't thank me," Spike waved a hand uncomfortably.

Willow nodded and bit her lip. Suddenly she turned to Buffy. "What's Xander gonna say when he finds out?"

"Oh, I already know," Xander said, standing at the doorway between the kitchen and dining room. "Well aware of this development…"

"When did you get in?" Willow looked back to Spike.

Once more the door opened again and Giles walked in.

"Bloody hell, you need fewer friends, Slayer. This is getting ridiculous," Spike said rolling his eyes.

"What are you all gathered in here for? Where are the girls?" Giles frowned in his Watcher-ly way.

Buffy, Willow and Xander all looked at Spike who rolled his eyes again and sighed. "I'm here! I'm alive. Alert the bloody papers…" he said with fake enthusiasm.

"Good Lord!" Giles exclaimed, whipping off his glasses and cleaning them meticulously before replacing them. "Is this a spe—"

"It's not a spell!" the other four exclaimed.

"Well alright then, no need to yell," Giles said, testily. "Well, Spike this is…this is certainly a surprise…how did this come about then?"

Buffy caught the look on Spike's face and hastily looked to Willow. "Will, why don't you explain and you and Giles and Xander can head to the living room, I'll be there in a sec," Buffy suggested.

"Uh…okay," Willow agreed, ushering Giles, who still looked like he was going to burst and the seams with questions. Xander looked suspiciously from Buffy to Spike before following.

Buffy looked up at Spike. "I'll talk to them, you're welcome to come too, but…"

"No, I'll just head downstairs. It's probably best if you deal with the Scoobies alone. I'll be up later," Spike said.

"Okay…"

"Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

Buffy gave him a small smile in response before leaving him.

--

"Buffy, do explain what has happened," Giles said impatiently, as soon as Buffy entered the room. He, Xander, and Willow were sitting side by side on the couch. Buffy found herself standing before them, feeling like she was about to give a lecture or something.

"Look, all I know is that he came last night after midnight, the amulet had resurrected him, he's been with Angel the past five months, and now he's here," Buffy explained.

"You'd think Angel'd be considerate enough to call you and give you the heads up," Xander said a bit scathingly like he expected nothing less from him.

"Xander, stop it," Willow said quietly. "You know it's easier for the two of them if they don't talk…"  
"Buffy," Giles cut in, clearly not caring about Angel's role in any of this. "That is entirely irresponsible of you. You should have questioned him far more thoroughly. We can't even know for sure if that's really him!"

"I'm not stupid, Giles," Buffy said heatedly. "I wouldn't let him in my home, risking my sister's life as well as three other innocent girls, without knowing for sure it's him. And it is! I know it is and so do you!"

"Well what if another demon came back with him like it did when you were brought back, Buffy!" Giles yelled. "It could be here right now."

"I think after five months it would have made itself known, don't you?" Buffy snapped.

"Giles," Willow said tentatively. "It's not likely one did anyways…the amulet's spell is far different than the spell I used for Buffy…it—"

"Well we should still be researching," Giles exclaimed. "Look for information on the amulet, find out more of it's properties as well as search other means for bringing a person back to life—"

"No!" Buffy yelled.

"Buffy, what's wrong?" Willow asked worriedly, placing a hand on Giles' arm to stop him from jumping down Buffy's throat again.

"No…" Buffy said more calmly. "I don't want him this to be analyzed. He's not a research project…he's Spike and he's here…and I _don't_ want him to feel like he's not trusted, not now," Buffy's eyes welled. "Not after what he's done…"

"Do you love him?"

Buffy blinked in surprise at Xander's forward question. Though he'd posed it as such she could tell he knew the answer before asking.

"Well, Xander I wouldn't—" Giles began.

"Giles…" Willow shushed him, still watching Buffy.

"Buffy?" Xander pressed.

"I…I'm not…I'm not sure…I haven't had time to…think. And if I do?" she challenged. "If I do are you going to make me feel like trash for it, Xander?"

"Oh Buffy no," Willow stood and hurried to Buffy, hugging her. "Xander, would never do that…"

"Xander?" Buffy repeated, looking at him over Willow's shoulder. Willow stepped away looking at Xander too.

Xander stared at Buffy for a full minute. "No…Buffy I wouldn't…I would never do that to you. I'm sorry I made it seem…it's just…it's just I guess I was upset…upset that Spike could come back…but Anya's not…"

"Xander," Buffy's eyes overflowed again as she held out her arms to him. He stood and embraced her holding her close. "I miss Anya too," she whispered to him. He kissed her forehead gently.

When Xander stepped away Buffy was left looking at Giles. Giles glanced between Willow, Xander, and Buffy. "What he did…was…well it certainly proved he could be selfless…and good, and I can't ever fault him for that. I'm sorry, Buffy. I'm sorry I questioned your judgment."

Buffy smiled gratefully, Giles' opinion meant just as much to her as her friends. She crossed over to give him a hug.

--

Spike was smoking downstairs. The yelling upstairs had died down; he wondered what the conclusion had been. He heard the door open, and much to his surprise Dawn came down the stairs

"Spike?"

"Did Buffy send you, niblet?" he asked taking a final drag and stubbing his cigarette out in an ashtray by his cot.

"No," Dawn shook her head. "But that's why I'm here…"

Spike looked at her silently. He was curious as to what this was all about, why Dawnie was so nervous. "Well, sit down and tell me then," Spike gestured to a spot next to him on his cot.

Dawn shook her head again. "I'd rather stand…" she said. She twisted her hands before finally coming out with it. "Look…I know last night it seemed like she was being cold towards you…but I wanted you to know about her after you died…cause I was angry at her for being like that to you…but then I was remembering today what it was like for her after you died."

"Dawn," Spike began, shifting uneasily. "You don't have to tell me—"

"No, listen! You need to hear it," Dawn insisted. She stood waiting to see if he'd protest again, Spike kept his mouth shut. "That night, she went home and shut herself in her room…then she cried."

Spike didn't want to hear that. He didn't want to hear that Buffy was in pain. He himself had caused her enough pain for more than one lifetime. But of course, she wasn't crying for him…

"She cried all night. And the weeks after were so hard for her. Hard for all of us, but hardest on her I think. Everyone that died for her, died for her cause…I had never seen her look so guilty or so sad," Dawn continued. "And I know that she was grieving for everyone…but I think she grieved for you the most. What you did meant more to here than you'll ever know," Dawn said looking directly at him. "I could here her sometimes saying your name in her sleep…she kept saying 'I'm sorry, Spike'"

Spike let out a shudder and closed his eyes at that intimate detail, feeling like he had no right to know such things. He covered his face with his hands in disbelief and anguish. He didn't want to cause her pain. He never wanted her to mourn for him. He could have staked himself right then.

"Dawn…" he said with a shaky breath, still not looking up at her.

He felt her warm hand on his shoulder. Dawn's hand. This girl who had suddenly become such an insightful, mature young woman.

"I just wanted you to know…cause I don't think you understand what you did for her…how much it meant to her…" Dawn said.

Just as he began to feel hot tears on his hands, Dawn's hand moved off his shoulder and he could hear her footsteps head back upstairs, leaving Spike in stunned disbelief.

--

**That's chapter three! I hope you all enjoyed it. I hope my characterization was good especially since I brought in a few more characters. And I hoped you all liked my choice in using Dawn as the one to speak to Spike at the closing. It got me emotional just writing this… So keep reviewing me and letting me know how you're liking this!**


	4. Chapter 4: Progress

**Where Do We Go From Here?**

**By: **nightwatchman2009

**A/N:** Once again, I thank all my readers for all their support! I appreciate it greatly. This chapter is pretty iffy for me…I'm not sure if you guys will like it or think it's even remotely like the characters…so let me know if I just ruined this story for you.

**Chapter 4: Progress**

"Dawn?" Buffy spotted Dawn shutting the basement door behind her. "Can I talk to you?"

"I was actually going to apologize to you…" Dawn began.

"Me first," Buffy said, staring down at her hands. "Look, I know I seemed…cold last night, but I just was so overwhelmed, you can't even imagine Dawnie what it was like for me when he walked through the door—"

"I can," Dawn jumped in, nodding. "Buffy, I'm so sorry I got angry. I thought about it and I realized how much it was for you to take in…it was different for you than it was for me. I'm sorry."

Buffy hugged Dawn close. "I forgive you; you don't even need to apologize."

"What will you do?" Dawn asked pulling back and looking intently into Buffy's eyes.

"Well, hopefully this evening after training I'll find some time to talk to him. I _am_ happy he's back though you know? I want to make sure you know that…and I also asked him to stay."

Dawn smiled and hugged Buffy again briefly. "It's gonna all work out Buffy," she said with optimism.

"I hope so."

--

Buffy trained with the Slayers the rest of the day. She seemed rather apologetic when she told it to Spike but he didn't mind. They were her priorities; they needed her to be there with them.

Willow, Xander, and Giles gave him uncertain glances before following Buffy outside. Spike could understand that. They were still unsure of how to talk to him anymore.

_Not that we used to have cozy little chats anyway_, Spike thought sarcastically.

He watched the training from a window that wasn't getting direct sunlight. He watched her demonstrate with Faith. He watched her exchange amused glances with the girls as Giles rattled on and on. He watched her expression become a look of pride when the Slayers did well. She was still the same Buffy.

There were still differences. She seemed to be at ease. There was no anxiousness as she taught. No look of concern when the girls didn't catch on fast enough. No tension or urgency that had been there before the final battle. She had no great evil to face. Now her burden could be shared amongst other Slayers. She didn't have to be the Chosen One and she knew it.

To Spike, she'd always be the very best. Always.

--

During lunch and dinner, Buffy noticed Spike was missing. She'd seen him at the window most of the time. She figured he must slip back downstairs whenever he saw them coming in. Buffy glanced at the girls anxiously as they chatted over dinner that evening. She had to say something to them at some point. They deserved to know that Spike was a vampire. It wasn't right to hide it. She just didn't know the right time to do it.

After dinner, the girls dispersed either into the living room or upstairs to shower and wash up. Giles, Xander, and Willow stuck around like they usually did and Faith went to commandeer the television.

After cleaning up the kitchen, Buffy grabbed her black leather jacket and slipped it on before walking downstairs to the basement. Spike was lounging on his cot, fiddling with a battery powered radio.

"Can't get any bloody stations in down here," he grumbled to himself before looking up at Buffy. "Feeding time over with then?" he asked.

Buffy smiled. "Yeah," she replied. "If you want, we could go for a walk…get out of here for a bit and we can swing by the butcher's too."  
Spike accepted the invitation.

--

Spike followed Buffy to the front door. Faith and the girls watched TV, while Willow, Giles and Xander talked quietly. Faith glanced over and grinned at them.

"Going out, B?" she asked suggestively.

Everyone turned and looked at the pair. Spike opened the door and stepped outside, avoiding all the stares.

"We're just going out for a walk…we'll be back," she said sounding just as uncomfortable as he was. She followed him out and shut the door behind her.

"Have fun!" they heard Faith yell.

"Ever thought about getting a muzzle for her?" Spike asked, trying to make light out of the awkwardness. He thought it was funny how normally he would've suggested to Buffy right then all the "fun" things they could do, but now it just didn't seem right.

"Oh, I wish," Buffy smiled, as they went down the front walk and turned onto the sidewalk. "Sorry about all the staring," she added.

"Don't worry about it," Spike waved a hand dismissively. "Though I am wondering if the Giggle Gang knows that I'm the enemy they should be fighting."

"No…not yet," Buffy said, understanding the reference to the Slayers. "I plan to; I just haven't found the right time."

Spike nodded. They fell into a silence and just walked side by side for a bit. Spike noted she'd taken her hair down; her honey blonde tresses blew gently in the breeze.

"So, tell me Slayer, what's changed around here since I've been gone?" he asked, looking over at her.

"Well," Buffy considered for a moment. "Willow's back in college and loving every minute of it."

"I'll bet," Spike chuckled.

"Xander's still working in construction. Faith is…in and out. In fact, she just came back about two weeks ago to help me out. She probably won't stick around though. And Giles reopened the Magic Box and you're looking at his employee," she said in mock enthusiasm as she wrinkled her nose slightly.

Spike laughed, Buffy hated retail. "Not as bad as the Doublemeat Palace though, eh, pet? At least you don't come home smelling like sodding French fries," he pointed out.

"Good point," she smiled.

"And what about Dawn?"

"At another high school, at least until they once again rebuild a new one," Buffy said.

"That's getting a bit old isn't it?" he said. "Two down…"

"Yeah hopefully the next one will last them a decade or so," she said sarcastically. They both knew though that it was likely the next school would stand for many years to come. "Dawn's dating a guy in her class."

"Want me to scare the blighter off? Show some fangs, make him panic?" Spike offered half seriously. He was unwilling to picture his Niblet with an undeserving little wanker.

"Please?" Buffy joked. "No, he's not a bad kid," she reasoned. "I guess it's just a sister thing where I'll never think anyone deserves her."

"Damn right they don't," Spike agreed seriously, getting another smile out of her.

As they walked cars cruised by which reminded him of another question: "So people are coming back to Sunnydale again I see?"

"Oh yeah. We can now boast a drastically lower crime and death rate," Buffy smiled.

They continued walking and dropped by the butcher's just as they were closing and bought pig's blood. Spike carried the paper bag in one hand as they continued on. He looked at her wanting to probe a bit deeper.

"And what about you, Buffy?" he asked quietly.

"What about me?"

"Besides the job…how are you?"

He could tell she understood what kind of answer he wanted from his question. "I feel…like I have a new life. I mean, obviously I'm the same person, with the same friends and I'm still the Slayer, but now…I guess I'm just _happier_. I don't feel so weighed down. I didn't realize how much time slaying ate up until now. I actually have time to do fun stuff. I have me time," she grinned.

"That's great…" Spike said in all honestly. All he wanted was for her to be happy. Nothing else mattered. Her happiness made everything worth it. "If anyone deserves to throw in the towel it's you…you've earned it, Buffy."

Buffy didn't meet his gaze. She looked as if she were struggling with her emotions. He looked ahead to give her a minute to collect herself. His breath caught when he suddenly felt her hand gently brush his free one in a deliberate manner. Wordlessly, he caught her hand and entwined her warm fingers with his eternally cool ones. She squeezed his hand gently and that in itself said plenty to him.

--

As Buffy and Spike walked up to the house after their walk, they could hear a bit of a commotion going on inside.

"And here I thought I'd have a quiet evening," she mumbled sarcastically as they walked up the front steps.

As she opened the front door she felt Spike reflexively pull his hand from hers. She knew he was used to keeping everything between them a secret. Without looking at him she made a decision and snatched his hand back up, ignoring the startled look he gave her as they walked in together.

"—I didn't know, Giles! Jesus Christ!" Faith was yelling. She and Giles were standing in the dining room a foot apart having an argument. As Buffy shut the door she saw that Willow, Xander and Dawn were trying to maintain order as the three Slayers babbled a bunch of questions.

"Bloody hell, this place is a zoo," Spike said.

"We're back!" Buffy yelled through all the noise. Everyone immediately fell silent and looked at the two.

Buffy saw Faith smirk appreciatively at their clasped hands but ignored it. She let go of his hand and took her jacket off. "What's going on? Why are you saying you didn't know?" Buffy asked Faith.

"Buffy, is it true he's a vampire?" came Sarah's voice before Faith could respond.

Buffy glanced at her briefly before looking at Faith and Giles. "Is that what this is about?"

"Faith, took it upon herself to mention it," Giles said looking peeved.

"I thought you told them already! I thought that was out in the open," Faith argued.

Buffy turned to the girls who stared at her expectantly. "Faith's right, Spike's a vampire," she said exchanging a glance with him.

"What the hell?" Chelsea exclaimed.

"But Buffy, shouldn't we…you know…stake him?" Amber asked anxiously.

Dawn let out a scoff of annoyance.

"Buffy, maybe you should…explain," Willow, suggested.

Faith and Giles walked into the living room as the Slayers all sat on the couch to listen. Spike chose to remain off to the side, leaning against the arch between the living room and the entryway. Willow and Xander stood with Faith and Giles off to the side. Dawn flopped on the armchair.

Once again, Buffy found herself standing before an audience. She could choose to tell them the long, complicated story or the brief one. The brief one was probably the easiest.

"It's rare…and against vampire nature, but some choose to help our side," Buffy began.

"So, like there are good and bad humans there are good and bad vampires?" Chelsea questioned.

"Yeah, you can think of it like that, but just know that it's rare for a vampire to choose to not kill humans. Spike, is a good guy I guess you could say," Buffy said. The girls' heads swiveled in his direction. Spike stood, arms crossed over his chest probably not looking like their idea of what a 'good' vampire might look like.

"He's been fighting on our side for a few years now. I'll be the first to admit I had a hard time trusting him…but he earned my trust. He was willing to risk his life to protect my family and friends; he even has a soul now…" Buffy said skirting over the detail of a certain attempted rape. She didn't even feel like he was that person anymore.

"So, what made him leave?" Amber asked glancing over at Spike who looked pointedly at his feet, not knowing his sacrifice was the reason. She knew he didn't want credit, but he deserved it.

"I've told you about the battle five months ago," Buffy said. "I said there was an amulet that ended it all…Spike was the one who used that amulet to end it. He sacrificed his own life to save the world. He's the reason we're all still alive, we owe him our lives. That day he proved through his sacrifice that he can be selfless, that he can be as close to human as he can get," Buffy said, as the words came she even shocked herself, but they were true…true in her eyes at least.

--

As one girl asked how he came back to life and Buffy responded, Spike was lost in thought. He felt himself shake slightly. He'd never been more uncomfortable in his life. He was looking everywhere but at her. The things she said about him. How was he worthy of all that? He was a monster. How could she paint a picture like that and ignore all the shit he'd put her through over the years? The things he'd done to her still made him want to burn himself alive…he was no hero.

"Don't let her fool you," he found himself saying quietly, looking down at the floor. He felt the girls' eyes on him. Buffy's eyes too. "I'm no hero. I only did what I had to. I'm not a good person, I've done terrible things in my time and they don't just go away."

"You have done terrible things," Buffy said. Spike looked up at her, finding her looking straight back at him. "You've done unspeakable things…but you have an eternity to do good, and you've already started," she insisted.

She had faith in him. That shocked him as well. She had faith that he could be like Angel or something…could he? He was so wrapped up in the notion that Buffy had already started talking again.

"He's sticking around now. You guys can learn a lot from him. I had the Potentials train with him in mock fights. He knows a lot so don't be afraid to ask questions," she said.

The girls nodded.

"Sorry Buffy," Amber said.

"We should've realized you wouldn't have him here without a good reason too," Sara added as Chelsea nodded.

"It's good that you're all cautious," Giles said clearing his throat and cleaning his glasses meticulously.

Spike suppressed a smirk. Buffy had probably given him a heart attack saying the things she did. Dawn and Willow were smiling. Xander was looking incredulous. Faith was smirking. But Spike only had eyes for Buffy who crossed over to him.

"Are you guys together?"

They turned at Chelsea's blunt question. Once again everyone stared openly at the two. Spike looked at Buffy; she had an odd look in her eye before she turned to Chelsea.

"Yeah," she replied before walking toward the basement door, a stunned Spike following after her, leaving her equally astonished friends behind.

--

**End of chapter 4. So I'm thinking there might only be one more chapter. There might possibly be a 6****th**** but I'll have to see if I have enough material to do it. Hope you all enjoyed it! Please let me know what you think! Let me know if I just botched this for you all!**


	5. Chapter 5: Taking the Plunge

**Where Do We Go From Here?**

**By: **nightwatchman2009

**A/N: **First of all, my apologies for how long it took me to get this final chapter out to you. Between wisdom teeth pulled, family coming over, and numerous things to do before my senior year starts I was really busy. In addition, I was having some writer's block as to how I was going to write this last chapter. As always I'm very nervous to see how you all like it, so I hope you enjoy this final chapter.

**Chapter 5: Taking the Plunge**

Buffy was aware of Spike following her back towards the kitchen. She quickly relived what had just happened. She had said it. She had openly affirmed that she and Spike were together. She wondered why she didn't feel panicky or anxious about it, surprisingly she felt rather calm about it. It felt as if saying yes to Chelsea's question was the natural thing to do.

But wait. She hadn't really talked to Spike about it. What if he wasn't ready for a relationship? She couldn't be sure. She realized she felt pretty bad about saying yes like that.

"Mind explaining the bit at the end there Goldie locks?" Spike asked, as if reading her mind, once they were in the kitchen and out of earshot. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and tipped his head slightly to the side. She could tell he was trying to sound casual about the whole thing.

Buffy sucked in a breath. "Look, I'm sorry I said yes without talking to you first. I didn't think—"

"I'm fine with it," Spike cut her off. "The you saying yes thing…that's…that's what I wanted…" he added.

She looked up at him and met his blue-eyed gaze. He gave her a small reassuring smile. He was okay with it. He wanted it.

She blinked. This was very foreign territory for the two of them. The closest they had ever gotten to this point would have had to have been several months ago…during the time he helped them prepare for the battle. She had certainly felt different towards him. She recalled the night he'd held her while she slept, she'd never felt safer surprisingly. And when he went so far as to confess that it was the best night of his life…her heart swelled, it meant so much to her. She remembered the guilt she felt when she learned Spike saw her and Angel kissing when he came to Sunnydale. The look in his eyes clearly expressed the hurt he was trying to mask. And then there was the fact that when Angel suggested that Spike was her boyfriend…she couldn't fully deny that.

He had supported her so much then. She had learned to trust him all over again. He comforted her. He believed in her when no one else in the house did. He'd picked her back up when she'd given up. And then that final battle…

Now, they stood together, nothing holding them back and oddly she had no idea how to proceed. Funny how life works like that.

"I…uh…I didn't know if you still felt the same so, I guess I wasn't sure…" Buffy said quietly.

Spike chuckled; he looked down and scuffed the toe of his boot against the floor. "Slayer, I don't think I could stop having all these bloody feelings for you even if I wanted to…" he admitted, looking back up at her.

Buffy nodded. She still didn't know what to say to him. But right then…she didn't feel like she needed words. She moved forward toward him. He anticipated the movement and met her halfway, he wrapped his arms around her and she cupped the sides of his face before their lips met.

--

Spike pulled her in closer to him, her scent overwhelmed him, he wanted to kiss every inch of her soft skin. He was surprised to find just how much different it was from two years ago, she wasn't doing this out of desperation. Now she was doing it out of true desire for him…he was shocked to discover how much of a difference it made. It was electric. The mutual feelings they shared made it that much better.

He backed her against the basement door. Her breath began coming in short, delicious pants as her hands moved down to his chest. He removed on hand from her back to reach blindly for the door knob.

Then the bloody conscience decided to drop by for a visit:

_This can't happen yet, _it told him._ Not yet._

He broke away from the kiss with an exasperated sigh. Buffy frowned it confusion.

"Well this is uncharacteristic of you…"

Spike let out a humorless laugh in response and tipped his head back and stared at the ceiling.

"I'm such a bloody ponce for saying this…but we need to talk first," he said to the ceiling.

He heard silence for a moment, and then he heard her start to laugh. He dropped his gaze and glared sharply at her.

"Are you laughing at me?" he demanded.

"Sorry," she grinned, shoulders shaking. "I just…I just can't believe those words came out of your mouth. You of all people."

Spike let her go as she continued to laugh. "Yeah well, I blame my soddin' soul…it's a right pain in the ass let me tell you. All this conscience bull shit, I didn't sign on for all that," he complained.

"I'm sorry," she said, laughter ceasing. "You're right. We do need to talk before we…"

"Shag?"

"Yeah."

Spike looked at the expression on her face, he knew she wasn't quite ready yet but didn't know how to tell him. "We can talk tomorrow if you want," he offered. Relief washed over her face.

"Okay," she nodded. "Well, I'm gonna go hop in the shower before Dawn or Faith or someone decides to get in there…so I guess I'll see you in the morning then. Do you need anything?" she asked.

"I'm fine."

She nodded and gave him a small, unsure smile before turning to head to the stairs.

"Wait," Spike reached out and grabbed her arm. She turned as he pulled her back to him, and he kissed her once more, her lips were too yielding, he pulled back before he went farther. "Goodnight, Buffy," he said.

"Goodnight, Spike."

--

The next day, any lingering tension or uncertainty between Buffy and Spike had disappeared. It started with Spike coming upstairs at the same time everyone was eating breakfast. The girls were still a bit awkward with him but with Dawn there, talking to Spike as she usually would, things were easier.

Throughout the day, Buffy and Faith trained outside with the girls with Willow watching. That evening, after dinner, Giles and Xander showed up again as well. Everyone, including Spike, went down to the nearest cemetery for a night lesson. Just like he did several months ago, Spike participated acting as an attacking vampire the girls had to fend off.

Everything felt rather normal. Spike was still Spike, talking incessantly, making sarcastic comments and regularly trying to provoke Xander and Buffy was still there with a big eye roll and a reprimand. The two had a silent agreement to keep things between them on the down low for a bit, at least until they talked.

They couldn't hide it though.

Despite their efforts, the gang noticed the changes. The way they naturally gravitated around one another. The looks they exchanged throughout the day when the thought no one else was looking. How their fingers would casually brush as if they didn't mean for it to happen. Or most blatantly: when Willow walked into the dining room to find Spike kissing her.

They all had different opinions on the pair. Faith wondered from the get go what the big deal was and why Buffy hadn't immediately hopped in bed with him. Xander didn't like it and never would like it but he knew it was important to Buffy so he planned to be tolerant. Giles couldn't quite grasp it, he thought maybe it was because he wasn't young anymore and it was an age gap thing. Willow only wanted Buffy to be happy and if she was happy with Spike than Willow was fine. And Dawn. Dawn was excited that things seemed to be happening. They had a new life, courtesy of Spike, and Dawn thought it was only fitting that he was back to complete that life.

But no one was vehemently opposed and that meant a lot to Buffy. Her friends' and sister's support meant the world to her.

--

After the lesson in the cemetery, Buffy showered and changed into simple gray sweats and a white tank top. Giles, Xander and Willow had already left. She made her way downstairs and looked into the living room where Faith sat watching TV with the girls. Dawn was sitting in the corner talking on the phone, undoubtedly to her undeserving boyfriend.

Buffy walked toward the kitchen quietly, she didn't need anyone to notice her. She stared at the basement door. This was it. She bravely opened the door and started down the stairs.

--

Spike looked up from his seat on his cot. He'd expected her, he just wasn't sure when. She gave him a small smile and he gave her one in kind.

"Do you want to sit?" he gestured beside him.

"Thanks," Buffy took a seat beside him and rested her back against the wall. She looked rather stiff and she was silent for a minute.

"Buffy?" Spike asked, reaching out and tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear, his hand lingered at the side of her face. She turned and looked at him. He dropped his hand back to his side, she was ready.

"Sorry," she said. "Look, I still have no idea what to say to you but…I just want to make it clear to you that everything I said last night to the others was the truth."

Spike made to interrupt her. He hated the hero talk but she held up a hand to silence him.

"Please, I need to say this," she said. "When you died…it really did make me believe you lived up to your soul. When I watched you die, I didn't see you as a vampire…in that moment I saw you as a selfless human."

Spike looked away, there was no greater compliment she could ever give him, they both knew that…but he was undeserving.

"I did it for you," he muttered quietly, not looking at her. "How is that selfless? Isn't it selfish if part of me did it to make one sodding final good impression on you?"

"You still weren't thinking of yourself," she insisted. "And there's no doubt in my mind that you were doing it for Dawn, and for Willow, and for Giles…all of us. And it's not selfish to want to do better, to be better…and to prove that you can be a good person."

Spike didn't respond. He still refused to look at her. She placed a gentle hand on his cheek and made him face her. Her sincerity. Her openness. Was this what it was like for Angel? Was this what it was to be cared for by her?

"Before the fight, those nights you held me," she smiled a little. "I'd never felt so safe in my life…and the things you said to me meant everything."

He was sucked into those green eyes. "I'd do it again," he said simply. She smiled but it looked rather strained as she took her hand from his face and studied her hands in her lap.

"But…I'm confused. I don't know if I should be concerned about the fact that you waited five months to come here…I don't want to get hurt," she glanced up briefly at him a humorless smile on her face.

Her vulnerability touched him…and hurt him. She shouldn't have to feel vulnerable. He wasn't about to leave her. He loved her.

--

Buffy didn't look at him. She couldn't. She felt his hand tilt her chin up to look at him.

"I wanted to come," he told her seriously. She could see his honesty in his eyes. He shook his head. "God, I had it all bloody well planned out and it ended with you taking me back. I hesitated cause it sounded all wrong…I mean, I stand there and die and then come back to you? I didn't want to ruin things. I was supposed to die, coming back wasn't part of the bloody plan. But you wouldn't get out of my head."

"So you came back," Buffy supplied, softly.

"Hell, I thought you'd be seeing someone by now. Some undeserving little bugger, who doesn't love you the way you deserve—"

Buffy silenced him with a kiss before he could finish, placing a hand behind his neck, the other on the side of his face. He still loved her and this felt right. She pulled back, still holding his face close.

"I meant what I said to you that day," she whispered. "Just before you died."

Spike glanced down, not being able to do anything else with her hold on him. "Buffy, you don't have to say anything…"

"I love you," she whispered anyways.

"Buffy, I lo—"

"Shh," she placed a finger on his lips. "You don't have to say anything…"

She pulled him to her again and kissed him again. Spike placed a hand on the small of her back, her body arched toward him. They feverishly kissed, hands exploring. They paused only for her to pull his shirt off and toss it aside, and he did the same with hers. He laid her down on her back. He began to plant kisses on her bare stomach, his lips and tongue continued to trail back up her body…

It wasn't just sex for once. This was the first time they actually did it out of love. Mutual, unrestrained love…and it was perfect.

--

The next morning, they lay together in each other's arms. For once, Buffy wasn't scrambling to leave in shame. There was no shame anymore. She leaned on his arm, that was wrapped around her, as she gently traced patterns on his chest with her finger.

"I feel guilty. I think Dawn just left for school and I wasn't up there," she said, looking at him with a small smile.

"She'll forgive you. You had a long night," he teased, running a hand through her gorgeously tangled hair.

Buffy smiled. She looked at him as if considering saying something. "You know…Giles and I have talked a lot about doing more…with the slayers. We were considering traveling to Europe maybe, a change of pace and a good place to look for more of them. We want to be able to find a lot of them and thinking bigger about it all…"

"And you want to know if I'd come with you?" Spike asked an amused look on his face as he asked the question he knew she wanted answered.

"Well…yeah," Buffy glanced down, smiling.

"You're not going to get rid of me that easily, Slayer. Of course I'll come with you," he said with a chuckle.

Buffy kissed him gratefully before resting her head against his chest again. Neither had any idea what the future would bring for them. But for now…both were happy right where they were at.

**THE END**

**I hate cheesy endings…so I hope that wasn't too, too bad. I hope you all enjoyed it and I hope this story lived up to your guys' expectations. Thank you for all the comments and support I appreciate it so much! You guys made writing this FF so much fun! Please let me know how you liked it!**


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